I Love You.

I love you.

Three words that can change a heart, a story, a mind.

The world being what it is, I wanted to take a moment to breathe into the words “I LOVE YOU,” and share how they shifted my personal narrative from “proving” to “becoming”.

Believing for so long that LOVE, if real, would be hard-earned, tough, and built through effort. That if I worked hard enough, or achieved more, or had all the answers, that I would be ready to schedule it and receive it (and we know how sexy a list can be).

And then “love” entered the picture — though it was nothing like I’d imagined or experienced. It was messy, full of inconvenient timing and complications, but it was true and (luckily) I was quiet enough to pay attention. The rollout wasn’t what I’d imagined and I could have written it off — I tried to — but it, LOVE, demanded to be felt.

LOVE was not loud, more like a whisper that rushed in — flowing like water, carving unfathomable paths — and in ways like nothing else had experienced before. I let it wash over me — it gave me no other choice.

I now know that LOVE IS not performative, it’s not righteous, it’s not ego-filled, or tough.

LOVE IS the softness that comes from allowing yourself to be seen, witnessed, and held by another spirit.

For me, LOVE came in like a lamb and transformed me into a lion — the vulnerability and beauty of it gifting me with a roar that made me feel fearless. It unlocked a superpower within me, allowing me to see LOVE wherever I go — to mine its electricity and shine it into the dark and scary places — like now. Not blindly, but courageously. I LOVE fiercely and with hope.

LOVE: unconditional, unadulterated, pure, true. It can channel a force and encourage it to do extraordinary things. With LOVE, we are alive and we are limitless. The price is vulnerability — the sacrifice of deflection, self-deprecation, and the readiness to cast others (and self) in positions of “unworthiness”. We are all worthy of loving and being loved, without attachment to a result.

I’m learning:

photography by Kathy DeNinno

LOVE IS holding space for the things you can’t carry.

LOVE IS bearing witness to transformation without trying to fix, control, or be praised.

LOVE IS a an exchange, an unconditional energy share.

LOVE IS expansive, growing with you — not “for” you, not “at” you.

LOVE, real LOVE, IS everywhere.

For me, LOVE looked nothing like that fantasy I had been fed — and I’m grateful everyday for that.

The thing I realize is: Like aging, the act of LOVING is not for the faint of heart.

You must be willing to open yourself up to being seen, to being LOVEd, in the ways you deserve. It takes courage to receive LOVE, knowing that eventually ashes become ashes and dust becomes dust. Are you curious enough to LOVE regardless of what the world (or capitalism, or card companies) says it’s “supposed” to look like?

I hope so — because what gift it is! What a privilege! What a blessing! What a ride!

And if not, that’s ok too — know that I have more than enough to spare. I LOVE YOU everyday, dammit. Even if I don’t know exactly who you are, I LOVE YOU — and I carry you with me wherever I go.

xo — Cloie ❤️

_____

Happy anniversary to my teammate, my lover, my Button — thank you for holding the “mirror up to nature*” — I love you more everyday. Together we stand, and together all things are possible.
Happy birthday, Judy. We couldn’t have done it without you.

*Hamlet. Act 3, Scene 2, lines 21-24

Tunnel Vision

Around the world and back again. I’d have it no other way.

The world is doing too much, and within it, I’m choosing to press forward. For me, that includes continuing to channel metaphor and meaning through art.

In this case, epitomizing the concept of tunnel-vision. Focusing on what’s ahead and barreling forward, unapologetically, towards goals — towards a greater good. One that can be seen, and also one that can be felt.

If other people can do it, why not us? At least in this corner of the sky there is no bullshit — only miles and miles of underwater tunnel.

But that’s another image for another day.

Stay strong out there. We GOT this. Because we have to.

xo ❤️ — Cloie

🎥: Eric Prochnau, 🎼: Little Rebel Music