Ever wake up and go:

“Today I’d like to experience change so intense that I’m shitting diamonds by happy hour.”

???

Probably not. Though I’m never mad at ethically-sourced gemstones.

Idk about you, but I’m experiencing a lot of pressure right now— the tension that comes with the promise and pulse of change. The question I’ve been asking myself lately is how to roll with the tide instead of against it? How to acknowledge the pressure in the cycle, but separate the pain from the actual suffering; pain is temporary, suffering is/can be indefinite.

As I write this post, I stand at the precipice of big change; that point where you know any next step starts a brand new chapter — which chapter am I choosing? Diamonds or no diamonds, it’s terrifying. To grab life by the beat change, choosing to go in a different direction — it’s insane at the crossroads. It’s also exhilarating. However it may feel, when change comes knocking, we can go willingly or we can be dragged.

In dance, you learn how to fall — how to bend, how to brace for impact— how to move WITH the energy to avoid injury. At the end of the day, however, a fall is still a fall. Like this one time I fell onstage during a show with Debbie Allen (shout out OG Brothers of the Knight cast). Though GORGEOUS she may have been, I f*cking fell — full starfish, CENTER stage at the Kennedy Center…and then had to get back up again and continue my mission.

THAT is life. That is change.

You set out to leap: to move across the country. To start that new job. To make that new friend. Maybe there’s a voice whispering to help you, maybe there’s a voice to harm you:

“I hope I don’t sound stupid.” (Just me?)

“ I hope I don’t twist my ankle when I land…” (Is this thing on?)

Maybe you land beautifully the first time. Maybe you landed, but you also had to fight through a bunch of noise.

Or maybe you fell down when you felt like it mattered the most.

And maybe it hurts and looks like it’s gonna leave a mark…

But change WILL happen (with or without our consent), and scars are beautiful — ask any tattoo artist around.

For me, pain is deciding to jump and then falling. Suffering is falling down and then laying in the middle of the stage for the rest of the show…or continuing to stay earth-bound when all I want to do is leap.

After so much jumping, falling, and getting back up over the years, I experienced a series of mental breaks that forced me to confront my own underlying need for transformation (or at least emotional knee pads). What was I moving towards? What was I moving away from? Where am I presently…and is this where I WANT to be? My great reckoning.

I can go willingly, or I can be dragged.

This time, I choose to go willingly. I’ve got my support systems in place (different story, different day) and I know where I’m headed. There’s no such thing as a “falling” now. There’s only jumping and transformation.

Why? Because the wind has wings, and pressure makes for beautiful, beautiful diamonds.

❤️‍🩹 - cloie